I’ve been writing here as Atlimbo since 2009. I had been through a rough 2008 and in the new year I needed a hobby – thus atlimbo.com was born and I began chronicling my interests and evolutions. I started the site on a whim, as a wordpress blog with the advice of some musician friends and quickly found my niche. I covered the DC music scene as a music scene outsider. I covered dating in the music scene, as I dipped my heartbroken and burnt toes back into the pool. I explored what it meant to be 24 and single and scared and brave and I like to think atlimbo.com gave me a home for all of that. 2009 gave me courage and independence and I entered 2010 with the best attitude I think I’ve ever had about anything in my life. I felt I was ready to take on the world, and in a way, I did.

In 2010 I left the safety and security of the job that had been my life, to run a risky campaign on behalf of a friend. I wouldn’t change that experience, or my decision to do it, for anything in the world, for it was the campaign that pushed me to the ultimate truth: it was time to leave DC. I had been there, sheltered and shattered so many times, by it’s white columned buildings and green Mall for many years. But it was time, Limbo was knocking, and I needed to embrace it fully. What followed was ten months of cocktail waitressing, barista-ing, road trips, and relaxation. I tried to simply not think, and I rang in 2011 at a friend’s apartment in the middle of nowhere, in Southern Virginia.

And then we hit 2011. And it’s been one hell of a year. In some ways I’m so incredibly grateful for everything I’ve dealt with this year – I am in one of the world’s most amazing cities, I am with the love of my life, I have a job that may not last but is so much of what I want my career to be, I finally found a hair color I really adore – and in someways I’m very ready for the new start of 2012 – very difficult goodbyes, a 600+ mile move, 6 months of unstable temping gigs, living in a freezing, and moldy basement for two months with friends because the price tag fit to name a few of the reasons.

Mostly, I’m feeling tired of 2011. I will forever look at 2011 as a year I took a big leap of faith and it was entirely worth it. I didn’t know what moving to Boston would hold for me. I knew two people in the city (one from high school & one from college), I had no job prospects, no school waiting for me, I had a couple bags of clothes and an air mattress that a friend in Virginia bought me. I put on a brave face and thanked my parents profusely for taking the long drive with me. But I was terrified. I had never done this before. I’m someone who’s leaped off cliffs, charmed powerful & beautiful people, someone who’s taken on much bigger challenges without the bat of an eyelash.

But this… This was faith of a kind I’d never known. This was faith in my ability to persevere, faith in my ability to take the worst that might get thrown at me and make the best of it, faith in… In myself. Transitioning to life in Boston – living with a man I’ve loved for years but a man I haven’t even been in the same state as for five years, traversing new political waters and job hunting – was difficult, it’s been rough, actually, but I love it. I love it here. I’m grateful to have met the people that make up my every day now. I’m grateful to have rekindled old friendships and that despite years of distance and difference, Piece let me into his life without hesitation. We celebrated nine months just last week.

I feel like the last couple of years have been one big transition for me, actually. And 2012 opens up to the next step – the settling in, the working my ass off, the creating, the brilliance, the brightness, and the beauty of this life that I’ve built for myself. It’s almost like my letter to 2010: “I will not let my determination falter, my hope be extinguished, or my faith waiver.”

I’m ready for whatever next steps I may have in front of me. I’m confident that this is what 2011 gave me, the chance to take a big deep breath before heading through Limbo’s exit and into that Real Life that’s been so illusive for so long. I can’t wait.

In November, I wrote a list out of things I was grateful for, from the small to the profound, and I find that it’s a wonderful way to boost your confidence in the everyday. This list included the phrase: “Knowing that Boston still stands & I can always go home.”

I have a bad habit of mentally longing for easier places to live – places where I already know the social & economic landscape (Maine); or where I have the comfort and familiarity of family and friends (South Carolina or Southern Virginia); places that miss me as much I miss them (DC); places that afford me a no-strings-attached approach to life (Rome or Paris or some other exotic, impossible locale). I have trouble, mentally, internally, giving Boston enough credit. And so here we go, after the jump, a list of things I’m grateful to Boston for, to get me through this short-week version of a hump day:

A lack of humidity. Caring and hilarious co-workers. The opportunity to be involved in a community & government that actually cares about green/environmental issues. Insightful friends. The Young Dems, who have welcomed me with open arms & minds despite my two decades of volunteering/working with the Dark Side (& the awesome members of the Greater Boston Young Dems who voted me in to be their Secretary!). The chance to reconnect with friends & family from Maine (whom I haven’t visited in over three years now). The relief that writing honestly can bring. People who appreciate you & your work & say as much. Boston.com’s Love Letters (advice columns are a guilty pleasure of mine, this is one of the more entertaining I’ve ever discovered). Fort Point. Finally being able to claim Dorchester By Choice (DBC) – proudly. Sharing a home with the love of my life, a relationship that I doubt I will ever be able to justify with language. Being close to the water again (I grew up near coastal Maine, the smell of the ocean is a must have for my mental clarity & strength. Boston brings me close enough every day). Tall buildings (they simply do not exist anywhere else I’ve lived & there is something so beautiful about them). The Commons. Dorchester Day. Sidebar. Irish pubs that you can actually hear Irish accents in. A bustling, delicious Little Italy in the North End (DC doesn’t have a Little Italy! The tragedy!). Friends who will pick you up on a Sunday afternoon just to take your lazy butt grocery shopping because you don’t have a car. Sunday night dinner parties & BBQs galore. The State Democratic Convention, where I had a complete blast. Scholar’s. The amount of history I walk by every single day just getting to work. The campus at U Mass Boston, which is a nice languid walk from my apartment; Harbor Point is one of my favorite places in the city.

Honestly? No. I do not want to think about what Mitt Romney looks like in swim trunks, no matter how much I appreciate the man’s fiscal policy. And face it, Sarah Palin may have rocked the bathing suit pagaent circut at one point, but I doubt we’re going to see her strutting down the run way any time soon being that she’s super-conservative these days.

And so, of this curiosity, this list was born: the next generation of poltically involved, somewhat dyanstic cuties. What do you think? Anyone I’ve missed? (list is in no particular order and Party/affiliation didn’t particularly matter!)

** You’ve been warned, fyi, of the complete ridiculousness to follow. Vapid fan-girling, harmless crushing, and behavior worthy only of giggling and possibly shaking your head are sure to be included. Feel free to join me, if you like, or you can explain this away with an air of seriousness I simply don’t possess today. Either way, warning of total silliness officially declared. **

First up, the Romney brood - all boys, all classically good looking (all married young?) and super motivated/involved. Oh yeah, and all Mormon. But we don’t discriminate here at The Luckiest, so maybe it’s just hot they believe in anything at all!

Megan McCain – I have friends on both sides of the aisle with full blown crushes on her. She’s sharp as all get out, gorgeous, brazen, and stands up for herself and her beliefs no matter who tries to knock her down. What more is there to ask for? Oh yeah, how about being an incredibly successful blogger and author in her own right?

Rep. Anthony Weiner, and yes, I thought he was awesome (his hashtags are The Best On Twitter, I’m convinced) before there were possible pictures of his under-roos on the internet. The Representative from NY is charismatic in a dorky sort of way, incredibly passionate and witty about his chosen issues, and seems to have a lot of fun with life – this sort of humor and outlook would turn most interested heads without even mentioning his striking New York good looks and youth.

Obviously, this wouldn’t be a list about young/good looking DC without including the youngest member of the US House, Aaron Schock. I’m still always surprised when people point out he’s a Republican, but I guess the Party I’ve called my own all these years has to have done something right in the looks department to have survived this long, right? Because we don’t want to admit it, but attraction and star quality have a lot to do with voter turnout and the ability to win. And the man has like 14 abs. It’s clearly at least 2 six packs.

Kirsten Gillibrand from NY was a surprising progressive to come out of a generally centrist-conservative US House District when she took over Hillary Clinton’s spot in the Senate, but she hasn’t let that stop her. I love how she carries herself – her simple, timeless style with pinstriped suits, a variety of colors, and impeccable blond hair is only complimented ten fold by her self-assurance and brilliant smile. One for the win column here, folks. The woman’s been photographed by Vogue. That really just tells me all I need to know.

Speaking of NY (dude, if this list has anything to say about it – NY is doing something right, is it in the political drinking water there to just be hot?!), I miss Harold Ford Jr. He is just so freaking good looking. I mean it. Look him up. I don’t care your type (he’s not really mine) or your Party – he’s just got something. I’d love to see him jump back into politics in some capacity because he always seemed to genuinely love it and it just isn’t nearly as fun watching C-SPAN when everyone looks like Newt!

Just like including Rep. Schock, as a somewhat-former-Young-Republican, I can’t make a list of political cuties without including George P. Bush. I remember thinking he was the most elibible bacherlor in the entire world (sorry Harry & Will) when I was in high school and college. He’s got his father’s politics & his mother’s looks, one of the most dynastic family bloodlines in US history (I’d say the Bush’s are second to only the Kennedy’s?), and has stayed out of a lot of the family drama (something I find highly attractive!). I remember me and my girlfriends feeling betrayed and awestruck on his wedding day (you’d think he was a Jonas Brother and we were all 13, but alas, we were not, why am I admitting this?).

So, what do you think? Senator’s daughters, President’s nephews, and a hell of an impressive body of legislature – how are we doing with the attraction-factor in US politics? I promise – every single one of these politicos has a lot more to offer than their charm and looks, but when you get both substance and aesthetics, what’s wrong with that?

Yesterday, there was a special election in the District that saw a Republican do better than nearly ever before. Sadly, my friend did not win, but he did an outstanding job in a truly grassroots race and came in second citywide with 26% of the vote. Yay, Pat! He’ll now undoubtedly continue his work on the District’s Board of Education, continue to support the communities we love through his work as a local business owner, and hopefully run again someday. I think the local site DCist.com put it best:

Despite Mara’s loss, his strong performance and position on the State Board of Education means that he’ll remain an important figure in years to come.

I’m amazed to be looking around seeing journalists from NPR, CNN, all the major newspapers, and a few bloggers like myself (though most of the CPAC blogging coverage will take place over at the Bloggers’ Lounge, and I’ll be putting up a list of great blogs to keep your eyes out for over the next three days).

I just had the pleasure of catching up with one of my favorite bloggers, John Hawkins of RightWingNews, and the head of the Va Beach area Young Republicans, DJ Spiker. One of the best things about CPAC is the camaraderie that we feel, reuniting after a year in our various spheres of the conservative sector. Some of us are social liberals (this one right here!), some are anti-war, some were Obama-cans, but we’re all conservative in one way or another and all the different aspects of Right politics come together here. This is the same feeling that originally appealed to be concerning the Tea Party groups. Unfortunately, the national movement took a decidely religious- and social-conservativism turn and I was one of many young Libertarian-esque pols who were pushed out.

See highlights from CPAC 2011′s first morning after the jump.

Opening the day at 9am (as I struggled with both registration and technological issues) was the welcome from the ACU, as always. Rep. Michelle Bachmann focused her opening remarks – to the delight of the packed house – on the repeal of Obamacare and US debt. Rep. Bachmann has easily gotten the most animated response from the crowd today, though Sen. Mitch McConnell’s mention of “Jesus’ will” in dealing with the Chinese got a standing ovation.

Former Speaker and annual conservative favorite Newt Gingrich spoke just before his book signing at 1. As most of his speeches seem to, Gingrich began by looking longinginly back on the Party’s old successes and lamenting the work of the Obama Administration over the last two years. With my favorite sound bites of the day, he seemed to have a habit of letting himself slip a little too closely to his professor style. Facts and figures abounded and, surprisingly in a crowd of such fans, the audience wasn’t as enthusiastic as I’d assume they would be for Newt. His opening music of “Eye of the Tiger” only seemed to lend to the feeling of “been there, heard this” throughout his event (I also may have felt like this as Gingrich entered to the same tune last year at CPAC 2010).

Gingrich’s speech concludes the morning schedule of CPAC 2011. I’ve spent most of the morning hunched over my laptop in the media room alongside some of my favorite conservative pundits and I couldn’t be more grateful. For now, I’m heading to lunch, and this afternoon I’ve been invited to join Citizens United for a screening of their latest film and the Accuracy in Media group for an awards ceremony honoring Tucker Carlson for his work with The Daily Caller. Looking forward to getting out and about in the hotel a bit more no matter which events I end up covering. Until tonight, I’m live tweeting as always and would love to know: what are you looking for in coverage of CPAC?

As an extra emotive bonus, I’m even going to try to put them in order and context, we’ll see just how I’ve really felt over the last 12 months, eh? First things first: Limbo is an emo little hipster, isn’t she? Lykke Li – Possibility; Within Temptation – All I Need; 30 Seconds to Mars – The Kill; Placebo – Running Up That Hill; & Moby – Temptation.

I move from depressed and thoughtful to resolute and fun-loving, after the jump…

I started 2010 determined and overwhelmed, excited for all the possibility open to me but weighed down by the work it would take to really make it all happen. My music selection trended toward the mellow, thoughtful, and heartbroken. I was excited to feel real love again, for the first time in years, and it just wasn’t happening. I accepted the fact that things happen in their own time, but my heart felt heavy with the loneliness that only a full packed schedule and unsuccessful dating life can burden us with. My first transition of the year, from corporate life to the campaign trail full time, needed this kind of music. Li’s “Possibility” played on near constant rotation to soothe my nerves and battle my anxiety; powerhouse vocals from Within Temptation and 30 Seconds to Mars gave me a chance to sing loudly with all of my ambition, aggression, and struggle.

June came around and I found myself in transition #2. I first said goodbye to D.C., spending my last week with the people I have spent the last decade of my life loving. If it hadn’t been for music, and very long car rides by myself, I don’t know that I would have made it. My playlist for this period was nostalgic, ranging from The Magnetic Fields to Augustana’s “Boston“. I even let myself fall for OAR all over again, though I thought I’d left my sentimental love of “Love and Memories” back in college.

At the beginning of my move, I landed in South Carolina (Myrtle, woot, woot!) with my parents. I embraced country living with Darius Rucker’s latest releases and Lady Antebellum’s whiskey-soaked ode to love & loss, “Need You Now”. Upon moving to the 757, my job at hip hop club Blurr introduced me to genres of music I’d never explored before. Hip hop, electronica, top 40 remixes, house… My eyes were opened to a lifestyle I’d never come near before, in my country upbringing and my yuppie years in Washington. I realized one can be an indie music snob and still rock out to Ke$ha and that P!nk may be pregnant but girl still knows how to get a crowd on its feet.

Nelly’s disc 5.0 and Eminem’s Recovery blew my mind. Thoughtful storytelling lyrics, sweeping instrumental melodies, and solid rao verses kept me coming back for more all summer and fall. DJs like Skrillex, Deadmau5, & Tiesto got into my head leaving me dizzy and energized. Specific tracks like Medison’s “Harry” and Freestylers’ “Cracks” drove through me regulating my breathing, making my heart race for months; I can’t be more grateful to The Boyfriend for introducing me to them.

As 2010 came to a close, I settled into my older tastes as I settled into life in the 757 and my new routines here. Train’s Save Me San Fransisco (with their usual southern twist on pop/rock), The Pretty Reckless (with raunchy guitar licks and sultry tones), and Maximo Park (classic pop/rock in the vein of the Goo Goo Dolls, Matchbox Twenty, Third Eye Blind, and Sister Hazel come to mind) took over my play list as my comfort level got back to normal and the moving around insanity of the last 12 months came to an end. The likes of Brandon Flowers & Muse replaced John Mayer & Kings of Leon, and I feel better off for it – there’s something more mature, more mellow and well-rounded about my music taste as I start 2011, I think.

Here’s hoping 2011 continues in the same pattern – feeling more settled, more solid, more content with each passing day.

I’m blogging, as we speak, from the porch of my best friends in this world. Aubrilee & CaptainCourage have taken us in for the nigh.t and I couldn’t be happier. I’m home! I’m in Petworth! Green Line! Porch sitting! Best friends! I’ll be back in the 757 by tomorrow night, but until then, this girl is delightfully off line with a bottle of Root Beer Vodka keeping her warm!

I’ve been feeling pretty hard on myself lately, so I thought this was a good opportunity to take stock. Everyone has quirks or attributes of themselves that they particularly like and I think it’s important to remind ourselves of those things from time to time. Tell me, what do you love that is uniquely you? Homework assignment! Here’s mine:

♥ I love that I easily make friends & expand social circles. This isn’t something that’s just mine, especially as I learned from the best, but there’s something about the way we always did it that certainly feels just us and so I stake my claim on it as the Southern liaison of the Petworth Crew up in DC. Along with this is the fact that I’m not someone who cares what kind of bar we’re at, what kind of crowd we have, the music in the air – if we’re there, the party’s there, and we try to get everyone else having just a good a time as we are, too!

♥ If I’m honest, I’ll say I don’t like much about my physical appearance – I’m not my type, what can I say? But there are little things. My tattoos. My hips. My strange smile (it’s not quite straight and not quite full enough, but I like that).

♥ I’m obsessed, and I wouldn’t put a damper on my excitability for anything in the world (I did once, that never goes well). Harry Potter, music, vampire romances, bad movies, road trips, freedom, and feeling things too deeply. The characters that speak to me in clear voices everyday. I dance around a lot, and shout profanities when I’ve won even the smallest victory, I like giving high fives and hugs. No matter how down I’m feeling inside, outside I am shining and loud and inappropriate a lot of the time and I truly wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. Propriety is overrated, decorum is boring, and if you can’t rock out to a song you love coming on the radio, what’s the point in loving it at all?

New Feature! At the end of every post I’m going to highlight what I’m listening to on any given day – don’t forget to add your suggestions to my new section: The Music! Listening @ Limbo — been listening to a ton of Augustana to match the weather (rainy, gray, warm though, heartening). Currently totally obsessed with the fact that Sam Sparro & Basement Jaxx got together, as described in awesome detail over at Deck A Deck B.

And this is the part where the new truth settles in.

I ♥ Ben Lee & coffee & plaid & Tegan and Sara. I think I had forgotten those things. I have forgotten so much. Like how fucking amazing it feels to write, to dream up characters and let them speak to you. I’d forgotten how good it feels to have someone notice when you’re really tired all day because bad dreams kept you up all night. I had forgotten what inside jokes feel like, because for so long in DC absolutely everyone was so in on everything. I like having secrets again. And having my own time – my time isn’t that of the GOP anymore, and I never feel bad about missing Church because I haven’t felt comfortable at Mass in years and it’s about damned time I admitted as much and only attend when I actually want to be there. I had forgotten what it was like to have someone not know absolutely everything about you (or rather, to want to know, to need to learn).

I’m seeing so many differences these days, between my years in DC & my short life in SoVA – now that I’m post-three months removed (Sept. 17th was the sort-of-anniversary) – and I don’t compare the two anymore. I just see the differences, and appreciate both. I’m getting to the point that I don’t miss the District. I miss people there; I ache every single day missing them so much I wish I could cry more easily and maybe get the hurt out. But I don’t miss my life there, or the city itself. For so long I felt like leaving would be tearing a hole in my body; literally having to extract myself from that specific oxygen, having to reteach myself how to breath… But I don’t mind it so much. I’m not saying I feel entirely at ‘home’ here just yet, because that’s too important a concept to bestow after two months & a handful of friends, but I don’t know that DC is ‘home’ anymore either. I’m okay with that, and I still believe that someday I’ll go back. But things will never be extravagant or infamous here and I’m absolutely loving that fact. The way we lived in DC was so open – so free of secrets or quiet or loneliness and I suppose that was the point – but to see the other side… I feel more balanced. More myself. I’m still open and outgoing and social and unstoppable when it comes to working a room (even if it’s just the little college bar we frequent late at night for cheese fries and PBR), but I’ve learned to turn that off at the end of the day. I’ve learned to slip into my own skin, not keep the mask on for too long. I’m not surrounded by politicians; I’m not feeling so false, so worn thin here. [This is MY ISSUE, not DC's, I know. I know plenty of people in DC who live genuinely and happily and my lifestyle there was all my own doing, I know... But I never seemed able to escape it while I was there, and here I am just three months later learning how to grow in this brand new way.] I couldn’t be more grateful.

I know I’ll go back. At least, I’m pretty sure. At some point. Most likely. But I’ve surprised myself to find I’m not so concerned with The When or The How, anymore.